decision

i duno i got make wrong decision or wat.. but... jus hope dun hv...
mayb all the ppl wil say dis is stupid n a wrong decision... but.. i jus make it...
mayb i wil regret some time later.. but at least for nw.. i dun hv.. n really thanks for sum of u guys.... tat u all willing to support me.. thanks...

i oso hope it wil last 4ever... n sorry for being so selfish...... so sorry....


but 1st/2nd of march... it is a memorial day... thanks.... i oso wil nvr forget dis day.. thanks.. mucks...

距离

距离。。。
距离是什么呢？？？
是从A 地到 B 地的路程吗？？？
还是身高或年龄的差距？？？

距离跟爱情又有什么关联吗？？？
很多人都说距离跟爱情碰头时....多数会以分手为结局.... 这就是我们常说的远距离恋爱
难道近距离恋爱就不会吗？？？
可是。。。不是有很多成功的远距离恋爱情侣吗？？？

据我所知。。。最难经营的爱情并不是路程的距离。。或者年龄/身高的差距。。。
而是。。心的距离。。。
最让人痛心的莫过于你爱的人。。。并不是爱你的人。。。
陈小春不是有首歌叫做 《我爱的人》。。。
起初并不觉得什么。。。当听到林宥嘉唱《我爱的人》和《到不了》。。。感触却很深。。。是因为什么呢？？？
是因为他唱得太好？？ 我不知道。。。只是觉得很感动。。。
相爱的人不能在一起。。。是命运？？是报应？？还是诅咒？？？

最近的我想很多。。。是因为还没开课而胡思乱想？
还是因为那些话的关系？？ 还是我的愧疚心在作祟呢？？
有人可以把我的心或脑换掉吗？？？？
又或者可以叫我应该如何做呢？？？
如果不是因为有那些事发生。。 我应该不会想那么多吧。。
我的心应该往哪走呢？？？
睡醒一觉后。。。会变得不一样吗？？？

bac...

it's been a long time i din log in here.... duno y... i dun even wil feel to miss here.. y??
mayb bcos i'm bac to kl n i meet up all my dear qingu... tat's y i dun ned to b here to release my feel.. i think so...

seriously i very appreciate the time tat i'm in kl... i feel i'm so glad to born in kl... huh.. is it a bit siao?? or kuar cheong?? but i'm serious....

when i meet up wf my 10 sis.. ah ma.. masta.. bing bing.. lichee..sook yee.. xiang yun n ah looi.. my life start to light up again.. its really amazing.... i feel tat!!! when i'm wf them.. my life jus like bac to sec skl... the time v work 2gether in stjohn...play.. crazy 2gether n do watever.... although i cant meet up wf chia lee (duno how is she nw.) lising( duno when she willing to meet us up.. but wat i wan to say is.. no matter how u change.. u r stil my close frens... cos the time v pass 2gether r cant b forgotten)... n oso my sec skl kuen cheng girls high school already in the progress of renovation.... my beautiful "si he yuan" r gone... but... i noe tat.. the old KC stil in out heart.. n it wil nvr dissappear no matter wat....

2ndly, i meet up wf fifi n goh chai chai.. wow.. its great... v did a meaningfull thing... v went to orphan hse.. org cacat hse... n many many.. its so meaningful!!! n of cos... v help goh chai chai to bought few cloths!!! n oso fi's skirt!!! of cos cant forget is the nex day... v all like 伤残人士.. whole body pain like hell.. but v stil very happy. isnt it... the nex time v meet.. duno how many yrs... cos fi wil goin to uk in sept... n left goh chai chai alone in uk. nvm.. v got webcam!!! hehe... PROMISE YA.. MEET IN WEBCAM!!!

3rdly... of cos very hapy to meet bac my SEGi buddies!!! when i met up wf uma.. she praise me o.. n v talk alot. haa.. hope tat v stil got lot of time to meet up the nex time!!! bside tat.. oso get to met up wf a fatty wei hong... (ppl bac from uk dy.. but ar.. bcum very perasan dy.. oways praise himself very thin!! cheh!!) haha.. although cant meet paikshan... cheeseong.. yeh shyang...jay.. geengfoo(heard tat he hilang diri) n emily..ashley n others... but i'm stil glad sum of them willing to meet me (so touch!!!)... alan, alex, chee thong, wing kiat, leong kuan, n of cos stil got the gam yu lo uncle thean la.. haa.... tat day v spend sum time to chit chat!! n oso thanks to them!!! i get to noe how to play CS in cc.. wow... i'm a genius. cos i manage to kill ppl o!!! wahaha... wing kiat!! u r the 1st ppl let me kill.. wahaha.. thanks thanks... n of cos the stupid uncle thean!! aim to kil me onli!! hng~~ or shud say. all aim to kil me!!! onli leong kuan n alan r the best!!! help me to play!! wahaha.. yeah!!! after tat stil let uncle cheat me... say he hungry.. but. cheh... make me fat onli!!! cheh cheh cheh!!!

but time jus like flying.. those happy time wil end up very fast... jus like nw... i already bac to aus... n. duno when onli can go bac n meet them up... n of cos!!1 time really not enuf for me.. cos i stil got alot frens haven meet up.. like sui kiat... kok wai.. cheng han n many of them.. haih.. wasted!!! nex time mus bac earlier n get more time to meet!!!

n of cos i really thanks n appreciate.. on the last day in kl.. got a sor lo stil willing to go airport.. but too bad... ppl dunwan show face up... wat to do... but seriously thanks n i'm so touch leh!!! take care loo... n of cos. i wont forget tat i got a very very nice contract waiting for me de o... dun regret!! haha....

all my qingu!!! i ned to b bac the new carmen here... but.. when wf u all.. i'm stil the one.. haa... thanks u all... wait for me ok.. i wil b bac 1 yr later.... hah....mucks!!!!

累了，就把心事放下來

最近認識一位美國籍的出家師父，是個很有趣的事情。特別是他叫我舉起蕃茄汁跟他說話的經驗。我們約在新竹的一家茶館用英文談論著心經，師父用英文跟我解釋因果、輪迴這些事情，這都還不稀奇。有趣的事情在後頭呢！師父一聽完我跟他提到的個人煩惱的時候，他索性要我左手提起他剛買的三罐番茄汁，一邊提著，一邊跟他說話。可想而知，我左手感覺到疲勞的程度，跟時間成了正比。也懊惱著為何師父要我一邊提著三罐蕃茄汁，一邊跟他說話。受不了這樣的酸楚，我自行把左手放下，卻聽到師父跟我說：「Hold it up, and keep talking to me.」聽到這樣的話，心理不免起了疑心，我手提的那麼酸，為何不讓我放下手上的重物，輕鬆地與他對談？約莫過了15分鐘，我的左手實在承受不住了，才聽見師父跟我說：「Now you can put it down.」。看著我狐疑的臉，師父居然笑了出來。
「你不喜歡提著重物跟我說話，為何你卻喜歡帶著煩惱來跟我說話，過著你的生活呢？手酸了，放下就好，對待煩惱，不也是這樣？或是這些煩惱就像是那些番茄汁一樣，是你自己用手把它們給舉起來的呢？」有趣的經驗，對吧？最近我開始這樣的練習，一手舉起有重量的東西，一邊想著事情。手酸了，自然會放下手上的東西，看看有一天，我會不會也學到，心累了，就把心事給放下來。我們能很容易的放下有形的重物，
卻很難放下無形的重擔。
執著的人生會讓自己承擔莫需有的重擔。所以學習放下執著也就在學習人生自在。

读完这篇 email.. 我觉得他说得很对。。也让我的人生观有点改变了。。希望你们大家也可以学习放下烦恼。。凡事往好的方面想吧。。

fake

i duno when i change my character..
i'm not the real chew mei...
BUT... i'm a fake carmen...
i hate pl being fake...
BUT.. unfortunately...
i.. me... myself is being so damn fake....

if u wanna ask me.. y i wil bcum like tat??
honestly to say tat... i oso duno y...

since when i bcum like tat??
i duno...

i relaly dun even noe when i change my character.. when i bcum so fake...
n wat is the reason make me so fake.. i duno at all....

mayb it wil b a good thing oso...
a brand new carmen...
who oways with a happy face...
no sad.. no tear... no anger.... no feel??
haha... or u can a carmen who oways rude... boyish... stupid or watever bad thing...
the worst ppl in the world....
mayb all is the truth in fact...
but jus add sum extra thing is tat.... i bcum more n more n more fake...

haha.. but my dear qingu.. u all mind to change me bac???
bac to normal chewmei... the real chewmei...
mayb when i facing u all.. i wil bcum normal.. but mayb in here.. i cant b bac...

...

yeah!! holiyday!!! nice to hv fun here?? i duno.. mayb i do... but i seriously do hv fun wf frens here... at least v manage to play wf sum of them whose r in final yr.. mayb v stil wil meet in kl... but... the feel is diff.. haa..so.. jus enjoy the time when v stil in perth....

the time jus goes by.. many happen n i duno how to solve it.. everything cum like so sudden... sumtimes like i oso duno how to manage it.. but anyway... thanks god... u gv me alot of best frens.. all frens wil show up when i ned them.. thanks alot!!!! although sum of them r not bside me.. but... seriously. when i listen to their voice.. i feel so warm.. n jus like they jus sit bside me...
mayb it onli jus few simple 哈啦 words... but its really enuf...

although i'm not a christian.. not methodist... not very sincere in buddhist... but.. i stil ned to say.. thanks all the gods.... u all realy treat me nice. although sumthin has happen. but at least.. u stil wil sent frens to me.. i can say tat i'm so lucky...

bside tat.. u oso let me born in a sweet n warm family... although v all jus like a crazy family... but is enuf.. i m so proud to b 1 of them... thanks..

finish......

FINISH!!! all the exams were finish!!! its DONE!!!
shud b happy.. but.. .i'm not really happy wf tat.. cos i did badly in tat.. i'm so scare abt the result... oh god.. WORRIED....

during the exam period... i'm really appreciate wat u did... thanks alot... really encourage me alot.. n thanks tat u support me... n blief me... mayb u jus treat as a normal fren.. or u already used to it... but seriously appreciate it.. THANKS....

n my dear dear (pen pen)... thansk to listen me talk sum crap n those stupid complain abt the exam.. thansk... really happy to say it out to u.. haha... u r my serious dear dear.. mucks...

SULA... u all bad la.. got anythign oso dunwan tel me.. i wan to tel u all. leh.. but... haih...jus mayb too much thing wanna tel.. but i jus cant say it out... duno how to express it.. n soonly. i forgot abt it... haha... but is a good thing.. i forgot it.. so i wont bother anyone rite.. haa... cheers... mayb i really is a sula... n i did a good job in it.. haha... as the smallest... i consider very geng rite...

after the exam... i viewed bac all my pics.. those ns... sec skl.. primary skl... stjohn... colls..
but... i found out tat.. i m so so so so miss my sec skl life.... n ns life... although ns onli take 3 months... but seriously... FUN... TAC rulez........ yeah.. i'm gonna MISS it...

n... my sec skl... of cos i'm MISS IT SO SO SO MUCH.... its so important in my life... without u al.. without me... mayb got abit OVER... but is truly from my heart.... seriously APPRECIATE wat u all gv me... n thanks god tat i found u all...

of cos for my coll frens... i appreciate u all too.. (although not all oso bully me...) hah.. but seriously.. thanks u all too... UMA... thanks for telling me tat... v r same level wf ravi.. haha... cos u wil tel us watever important.. thanks...

i cant wait to go bac m;sia n hang out wf u all!!!! meanwhile.. TAKECARE ya... mucks....