想通了。。回来了。。

想通了。。回来了。。 我想我终于可以找回一丁点以前的我了。。。
希望可以持续下去。。。

至少不要再 anti-social 了。。
朋友们。。。我回来了。。。

对不起。。让你们担心了。。。希望不会再有了。。。
爱你们。。。谢谢你们。。

加油。。保重。。

我亲爱的 fifi,

其实我真的很谢谢你。。。因为你总是会关心我。。可是也很对不起。。让你费心了。。
其实这几天我也不知道为什么。。 总是会看回以前的照片。。也看回我们的回忆。。自己也很不争气得哭起来。。
是自己便的感情丰富还是什么呢？真的开始觉得自己很没用了。。

今天晚上你就要走了。。。一路顺风哦。。虽然只有短短的几分钟通电。。。可是不知怎的。。有种暖暖的感觉出现。。同时我不争气的眼泪也想出来。。可是它还是被我停住了。。。

我亲爱的 goh chai chai，

你要加油哦。。虽然很久没有跟你联络。。可是看到你的pm都很感伤。。而且压力也很大。。要加油哦。。等我回去后，我会去烦你的。。。 要等我哦。

其实我真的有很多话想跟你们说。。 可是每次都不知道应该怎样说出口。。虽然我们各自都有各自的朋友。。可是如果没有你们。。应该也没有真正的秋美。。。因为秋美在你们面前永远是那么实在。。那么开心。。记得我说过。。跟你们在一起。。我可以吃很多。。胃口很好吗？？ 这些都是真的。。我也不知道为什么。。总是觉得跟你们在一起。。 什么都不用想太多也不用怕什么。。跟你们在一起。。真的很舒服。。很有安全感。。

从我来到这里以后，我才发现以前的我们是多么幸福，自在。。来到这里。。很多东西都是事不愿为。。。也必须自己去面对。。因为没有人可以帮到你。。不像以前的我们。。有真心的朋友在身边固然是件好事。。如果没有。。就要靠自己。。就像这次的我。。我会靠自己的努力去面对事情。。也会走出这片阴深的森林。。。找到灿烂的彩虹。。因为我知道你都在支持我。。谢谢你们。。

虽然现在的我们都在不同的地方。。希望我们的心可以连在一起。。记得我们的约定吗？？一起去韩国。。我很期待哦。。

希望我们三人的友情 "chap goh mei "永远都不会变。。。因为你们总是我最重要的朋友。。最重要的亲人。。。

累了

真的觉得累了。。。
无论是心理，
心灵???
还是肉体。。
全都累了。。
真得好累好累。。

读书累了...
工作累了...
脑袋累了...
神经累了...
肢体累了...
眼睛累了...
耳朵累了...
语言累了...
呼吸累了...
假面具也累了...

生活真的好累..
我还可以撑下去吗？？

我现在真的好像回到属于我的避风港...现在的我..真的好害怕..
我已经开始看不清前面的路了... 我也不知道我应该如何去面对了..
要逃避还是伪装呢？

在别人的面前，我想他们看到的都是原来的我吧..可是为什么..我却觉得那么陌生呢？？
以前的我不是很开朗..把烦恼都丢掉的吗？？
可是为什么我现在会是这样呢？？
真的是我自己吗？？

有人说我变了...
换做以前的我..肯定会问他是真的吗.. 然后告诉他：“我没变！”..
可是现在的我,却以笑来带过.. 真得连那种力气也没了...

戴假面具真得好累...好辛苦...
我... 我可以脱下来吗？？

perasan

omg!!! is dis world really got ppl so perasan???

y'day nite.. e & f were came here n pull us out for supper.. which v onli look at them eat... n the gal was saying me no gv face.. dun eat.. god... i jus finish the pizza.. damn full man.. how to eat the porridge.. crazy!!! n she jus keep forcing ppl to eat... cheh... n really cant tahan her... she told e & f tat she wil stay here after graduate... jus to ACCOMPANY ME!!! man... did i ask her to company me?? NOPE.. DEFINITELY NO!!!! I SWEAR!!! for wat i wan she company me... not i'm the one without her i wil die... is she think til she so important in my life??? NOWAY man!!! i wont die without her.. but wil bcome more energetic n happier n be bac myself without her.. y i wanna change my life jus bcos of her... i'm not mad... i'm not crazy.. i'm not insane... she even cant compare with my truly frens k... but she oways tot tat she know me so so so so well... wth is tat... so perasan!! so thick face... n i realise.. she wil feel very happy when she saying i'm not a gal.. i'm rude.. i'm fat.. i'm ugly... duno how to make up.. duno howto use those facial product.. blah blah.. she feel tat she is so so so proud of tat.. excuse me.. I'M NOT INTERESTED AT ALL... N I DUN CARE... wat u wanna say.. jus go ahead.. damn malas to layan u.. yucks..

n the damn weird thing.. she oways complain she is so stress.. n when ppl bc abt their studies n assign.. she will oways act she sick.. gastric or watever to catch ur attention.. man... i'm not nurse or doctor.. sick go c doc la.. since u so damn rich.. 千金小姐!! go la.. v all poor ppl... ned to work.. ned to study... not like u... got parents sayang.. n ur DAMN GOOD BF SAYANG.. go tel them la.. wth wanna find me...i'm not ur who who who... even if i wanna be less oso wont find u la... not everyone oso get attractive by u wan loh...

beh tahan

i serious beh tahan!!! y the ppl ned to be so FAKE!!! can sumone pls tel me y... W-H-Y~~

since v already stay 2gether.. hsemate ok... dun so fake... cant she jus b back ownself... jus like how she live in her family?? or is she always so fake even in her family?? seriuosly beh tahan.. n ridiculous thing is i still ned to pretend very close and nothing... like i dont mind anything.. omg.. jus tel me why.. or i shud beg her to be bac herself?? 1stly say tat she dun like the toys here.. n thn she dun seem like very enjoy the olympic and the 5 dolls... but nw.. is my fault for not bringing tat 5 dolls for her... n blame i din tel her about the new toys in happy meal... gosh.. i'm not her who.. wth i noe wat she wan or wat she ned... even my damn best frens i oso din do such thing.. i'm not her mother or her lover.. not even guardian!! dun expect wat i oso wil do..

do u feel tat u really so stress?? thn do i ned to commit suicide?? jus only got 1 assign thn keep complain headache n dis n tat.. thn wat shud i do? i even got more thn u... get ppl's attention not using dis way... n it is not work wf us... if u wanna show.. jus to ur bf.. he wil care of u.. v wil take care u... but not CARE.. like how a bf or mother treat... yucks..

memory

duno y 2day jus feel like wanna go frenster to view fren's profile.. n i realise that... everything seem like keep on changing... no matter is our appearance or character, personality... sooner or later... wil it b frenship??? i hope not...

but while i view bac the photo.. it really bring me bac to the past time... n i was really gladful that i hv a chance to meet up n hang ard wf u guys... but due to personal reason.. like study abroad... working.. that will make us hard to meet up... it is getting harder n harder... once a yr only hv the chance to meet up.. or mayb not even once... few yrs once? but i stil hope that v can keep in touch wf each others....

my dearest qingu fifi is goin to uk dis sept... for 2 yrs... n seems like very hard to meet up wf her.. cos when i bac kl she already in uk... hope tat she wil b fine over tere.. n everything fine tere... n my another qingu goh chai chai.. no worries.. i wil go bac n meet up wf u.. hehe.. SULA stil on k...

n for my pen pen... also hard to meet up wf her.. she stil ned to stay in japan for few more yrs.. hope tat dis comin cny v got a chance to meet up... cos i really miss her... take good care ya...

n for my ahma... hehe.. rmb o.. end of the yr v gonna meet up de o.. wf u all the best NC1 first aider... heheh... our 10 sis... duno got chance to meet up again anot.. hehe... take good care lo ^_*... hope the time can pass faster n faster!!! miss u guys...

skl reopen

ding~~ skl reopen lo... happy?? sad?? excited?? busy?? stress?? frustrated??? annoying?? whatever la!! i'm WELL PREPARED!!! come on!!

2day is the 1st day back to class.. i was thinking the lecturers were still in holiday mood n wont teach much.. jus talk abt the unit outline... BUT!!!! i'm wrong!!!

i dunno when the lecturers become super duper triple HARDWORKING!! they really gv lecture!!! for the whole class!!! 2 hrs lec... full-filled 2 hrs!!! onli break for 5 mins!!! gosh!!!! 1st day onli leh!!! how come so seriuos!!! n they taught alot!! not jus few slide..!!! is damn lot!!! siao de!!!

adui!!! only 1st day leh.. where got so fast back to study mood ar!!! MR HARDWORKING LECTURER... alamak... suffering day is comin soon!! the lecture is so so so BORED!!! nak tidur!!! hope i can cope it up n study mood faster come back!!!

n for my dearest uma.. BE STRONG!!! BE TOUGH!!! there is nothing can beat u down k.. n u r not alone... cos v oways here.. u still got us!!! so dun feel lonely k.. i'm sure he wil regret for wat he did... all the best n gudluck in ur studies n work k.... dun worry be happy... ciaoz..