累了，就把心事放下來

最近認識一位美國籍的出家師父，是個很有趣的事情。特別是他叫我舉起蕃茄汁跟他說話的經驗。我們約在新竹的一家茶館用英文談論著心經，師父用英文跟我解釋因果、輪迴這些事情，這都還不稀奇。有趣的事情在後頭呢！師父一聽完我跟他提到的個人煩惱的時候，他索性要我左手提起他剛買的三罐番茄汁，一邊提著，一邊跟他說話。可想而知，我左手感覺到疲勞的程度，跟時間成了正比。也懊惱著為何師父要我一邊提著三罐蕃茄汁，一邊跟他說話。受不了這樣的酸楚，我自行把左手放下，卻聽到師父跟我說：「Hold it up, and keep talking to me.」聽到這樣的話，心理不免起了疑心，我手提的那麼酸，為何不讓我放下手上的重物，輕鬆地與他對談？約莫過了15分鐘，我的左手實在承受不住了，才聽見師父跟我說：「Now you can put it down.」。看著我狐疑的臉，師父居然笑了出來。
「你不喜歡提著重物跟我說話，為何你卻喜歡帶著煩惱來跟我說話，過著你的生活呢？手酸了，放下就好，對待煩惱，不也是這樣？或是這些煩惱就像是那些番茄汁一樣，是你自己用手把它們給舉起來的呢？」有趣的經驗，對吧？最近我開始這樣的練習，一手舉起有重量的東西，一邊想著事情。手酸了，自然會放下手上的東西，看看有一天，我會不會也學到，心累了，就把心事給放下來。我們能很容易的放下有形的重物，
卻很難放下無形的重擔。
執著的人生會讓自己承擔莫需有的重擔。所以學習放下執著也就在學習人生自在。

读完这篇 email.. 我觉得他说得很对。。也让我的人生观有点改变了。。希望你们大家也可以学习放下烦恼。。凡事往好的方面想吧。。

fake

i duno when i change my character..
i'm not the real chew mei...
BUT... i'm a fake carmen...
i hate pl being fake...
BUT.. unfortunately...
i.. me... myself is being so damn fake....

if u wanna ask me.. y i wil bcum like tat??
honestly to say tat... i oso duno y...

since when i bcum like tat??
i duno...

i relaly dun even noe when i change my character.. when i bcum so fake...
n wat is the reason make me so fake.. i duno at all....

mayb it wil b a good thing oso...
a brand new carmen...
who oways with a happy face...
no sad.. no tear... no anger.... no feel??
haha... or u can a carmen who oways rude... boyish... stupid or watever bad thing...
the worst ppl in the world....
mayb all is the truth in fact...
but jus add sum extra thing is tat.... i bcum more n more n more fake...

haha.. but my dear qingu.. u all mind to change me bac???
bac to normal chewmei... the real chewmei...
mayb when i facing u all.. i wil bcum normal.. but mayb in here.. i cant b bac...

...

yeah!! holiyday!!! nice to hv fun here?? i duno.. mayb i do... but i seriously do hv fun wf frens here... at least v manage to play wf sum of them whose r in final yr.. mayb v stil wil meet in kl... but... the feel is diff.. haa..so.. jus enjoy the time when v stil in perth....

the time jus goes by.. many happen n i duno how to solve it.. everything cum like so sudden... sumtimes like i oso duno how to manage it.. but anyway... thanks god... u gv me alot of best frens.. all frens wil show up when i ned them.. thanks alot!!!! although sum of them r not bside me.. but... seriously. when i listen to their voice.. i feel so warm.. n jus like they jus sit bside me...
mayb it onli jus few simple 哈啦 words... but its really enuf...

although i'm not a christian.. not methodist... not very sincere in buddhist... but.. i stil ned to say.. thanks all the gods.... u all realy treat me nice. although sumthin has happen. but at least.. u stil wil sent frens to me.. i can say tat i'm so lucky...

bside tat.. u oso let me born in a sweet n warm family... although v all jus like a crazy family... but is enuf.. i m so proud to b 1 of them... thanks..

finish......

FINISH!!! all the exams were finish!!! its DONE!!!
shud b happy.. but.. .i'm not really happy wf tat.. cos i did badly in tat.. i'm so scare abt the result... oh god.. WORRIED....

during the exam period... i'm really appreciate wat u did... thanks alot... really encourage me alot.. n thanks tat u support me... n blief me... mayb u jus treat as a normal fren.. or u already used to it... but seriously appreciate it.. THANKS....

n my dear dear (pen pen)... thansk to listen me talk sum crap n those stupid complain abt the exam.. thansk... really happy to say it out to u.. haha... u r my serious dear dear.. mucks...

SULA... u all bad la.. got anythign oso dunwan tel me.. i wan to tel u all. leh.. but... haih...jus mayb too much thing wanna tel.. but i jus cant say it out... duno how to express it.. n soonly. i forgot abt it... haha... but is a good thing.. i forgot it.. so i wont bother anyone rite.. haa... cheers... mayb i really is a sula... n i did a good job in it.. haha... as the smallest... i consider very geng rite...

after the exam... i viewed bac all my pics.. those ns... sec skl.. primary skl... stjohn... colls..
but... i found out tat.. i m so so so so miss my sec skl life.... n ns life... although ns onli take 3 months... but seriously... FUN... TAC rulez........ yeah.. i'm gonna MISS it...

n... my sec skl... of cos i'm MISS IT SO SO SO MUCH.... its so important in my life... without u al.. without me... mayb got abit OVER... but is truly from my heart.... seriously APPRECIATE wat u all gv me... n thanks god tat i found u all...

of cos for my coll frens... i appreciate u all too.. (although not all oso bully me...) hah.. but seriously.. thanks u all too... UMA... thanks for telling me tat... v r same level wf ravi.. haha... cos u wil tel us watever important.. thanks...

i cant wait to go bac m;sia n hang out wf u all!!!! meanwhile.. TAKECARE ya... mucks....

无奈

我应该在赶 project 而不是在这里。。。 可是。。。 我真的提不起精神去做了。。。怎么做都算不了答案。。。真的想死啊。。。 真的很无奈啊。。。

当我来这里之前。。。去了我的space 看了以前的照片。。。我真的真的很想回到以前。。。那个无忧无虑的小学。。。生活过得非常充实的中学。。。我真的很想回去！！！ 我非常想念你们。。。 尤其是那个温暖又亲切的避风港~~~医疗室(1st aid room).... 真的很神奇。。。 去到那里。。 烦恼很快就不见了。。。

当然。我也很想念当时。。。F4 + manager 的时代。。。 相约去看电影。。。这些东西。。。应该很难在一起做了吧。。就算在一起。。。 当时的气氛。。。应该都没有了。。。

其实我也不知道我的心里在想什么。。。只是就得很复杂。。。可是又不知怎么说。。。 连我自己也不知道即应该怎样。。。 是压力？？ 还是害怕？？？ 或者想要逃避呢？？？ 我真的不知道。。。

时间毫不留情的飞逝。。。。 project due date 越来越接近。。考试更离我不远。。。如果世界真的有神明。。。　那请你保佑我吧。。。让我更专心去应付我的课业。。。其他事就让它搁在某个角落。。。等我放下我课业的包袱时。。。再回去慢慢整理它吧。。

秋冬离我而去。。。换来的是春夏。。。这个季节。。。会是个美好的季节吗？？？
既来之。。。则安之。。。　加油吧！！！

physical... mentally....everything

physical.. mentally... everything is so so tired...
i duno i can stand til when.... but.. jus.... i wil try my best....

jus.. everything cum 2gether...
everythign is cum until so sudden....
everythign is jus like killing me....
i really scare i cant cope with it.... but i noe tat.. there is no one can help me.. n i ned to lean on myself!!! n fight for it....

it's the time...

it's the time to let it go.... dun jus wallow in it... wake up!!!!
open ur big eyes!!!! the revolution of earth stil running.... everything stil the same...
class is stil on... exam is cumin soon... ur life is stil upgoing...
project's due r around the corner... work is waiting for u!!!
but the different thing is.... the time wil jus go forward... it wont go backward or even stop there to wait for u....
it wil only happen in movie or fairy tales....
in reality... IT WONT!!!

wat u ned to do is to update urself... cos if u dun.. u wil jus washout by the social.... n fell behind... n there is no one can help u.... u r the only one who can help u....
n u mus trust urself tat... u can make it!!! no matter how hard it is... u wil stil can handle it...
b confident to urself....

mayb it realy ned sum time to cover everything.. but.... u mus trust urself tat u can make it!!!
no one wil help u in tat... onli u.. urself... b strong!!!!
open ur heart n forgot the pass.... the whole new world is waiting for u....

FIGHTING!!!